For those of you who don't know what my subject means here is a translation:  Hebrew! Hebrew! Hebrew! Speak Hebrew!  It's a little sing-songy chant I think I learned at camp or something.  I don't know.

Anyway, the point of that subject is because this post is about how I have started to take lessons in Biblical Hebrew....yes Bilbical and not Modern.  That will come later.  This endevor is preparation for my most-likely pursuit of a Masters in Jewish Education.  I have no background in Hebrew whatsoever, not ever Modern.  I know how to say a few select phrases and know a few vocabulary words, but other than that, I can read the language, recognize it when I see it written (both block and script) and recognize that it's Hebrew when I hear it being spoken.  I  figured that  beginning to learn it now will save me from some degree of frustration and feelings of stupidity when I start to take classes.

The most interesting and somewhat amusing aspect of this activity is how I am going about learning Biblical Hebrew.  My teacher is an ordained Methodist Minister and the Methodist Chaplain at American University, the workbook I am using was published through St. Mary's Seminary & University in Baltimore, MD, I bought the book from the Wesley Seminary next door to AU, and as a supplement to the book to help the material click, I found a website call Hebrew 4 Christians.   Whatever works right? 

 

My desire to see what it feels like to live in the same place  for more than one year (not counting the house I grew up in) has been delayed.  After moving into my current apartment I had some intention of remaining here for at least an additional year once my initial lease ran out.  Unfortunately, the rent was increased an incredible amount and I decided it was time I didn't have to stress over my finances.  Next month, I will be moving to Cleveland Park paying a lot less than I do now in a building that is a 4 minute walk to the metro instead of 15.  Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge differences.  I am very excited but when the time comes it is going to be hard to leave behind certain things about my current apartment.   Eventually, once things are situated in my new apartment I am sure I will quickly get over having lived where I live now....especially when I see how much more money I will have in my bank account at the end of each month and how much more I got out and about the city purely becaue I won't have to motivate myself to want to walk the entire way to the metro and then back.  It is times like these though I wish I had the Mary Poppins snapping power so that I can just snap my stuff from my current apartment to my new apartment then I wouldn't have to deal with packing and moving and lifting and all that jazz.  C'est La Vie.

So it's 4:40 am and after the upteenth time trying to shut off my anxiety/pre-worry/panic over something that can't be taken care of to any degree I decided to get out of bed and get on the computer.  Maybe it isn't such a good idea after getting little sleep the past couple of nights.  But, it is a distraction and doesn't make me feel so alone with my  thoughts, even though no one is up.  Not even my west coast buddies.  Being tired and relatively calm right now beats hyperventalating because you are anxious about your anxiety at 4 am and no matter what you do can relax and keep your heart beat from rapidly increasing and consuming your chest.

I don't understand where this irrational thinking comes from, especially when I KNOW that there is no use getting all worked up now because it not like it can be be taken care of until tomorrow.   Is it a control issue?  Does it concern the issue I have with the unknown? All I can think of is the worst-case scenario....well, not the worst-case, but the what-if scenarios if things do not go my way.   I can't help but think that my experiences with disappointment when I was younger, whether or not they were numerous, has developed this fear in me that if I think too much ahead about something coming up that I will jinx it from happening.  So, more often than not, instead of allowing myself to be excited, I tear myself apart with the possibility of all the things that could keep things from happening.  

If I had more money I would enroll in a yoga class or something.  Maybe getting a massage would help, at least in the short term...the current tension in the body would then theoretically not exist so that when new tension came in it wouldn't  just build on top of old tension and overwhelm my body.

current mood: distressed